Monday Night RAW 6-3-2024

As we return from the commercial break, we cut back to the ringside arena, where we see Sami Zayn already in the ring, which is somewhat abrupt - - no music, no entrance, no fanfare - - he's already in the ring with a live microphone in his hand, which clearly means that this wasn't a scheduled appearance. Sami marches back and forward around the ring, frowning as he rubs his hands through his hair.



SAMI ZAYN: Now, I'm not supposed to be out here right now. But I have business to take care of, and I think you all know what it is. Christian Cage!

A slight pop from the packed arena crowd as Sami looks fired up.

SAMI ZAYN: Now, I'm not going to waste your time, so I'll just cut to the chase. I want my damn rematch, and I want it right here tonight! And right now, there are two ways this can go down. Either you come down to this ring and face me like a man! Or I go back there, go through your sons, daughters, nephews, godparents, and whoever else you got back there, and drag your weaselly ass out here. So, what's it going to be?

Sami lowers the mic momentarily, his arms wide, waiting for Christian to make his move as the crowd chants his name. As it becomes evident Christian isn’t coming, Sami raises the microphone back to his mouth

SAMI ZAYN: Come on, Christian, we're all waiting for you! You say you're the role model, right? Well, come on, show everyone what a big man you are. Huh? Oh, wait, no, that's not what you're about, is it? No, you're probably going to claim the same things you always do: that I'm a sore loser, that you've done nothing wrong, that you owe me nothing, and hell, I get it. After the controversy in the Logan Paul match, I didn't owe him anything. Triple H nearly cost me that match by what he claimed was hesitation, but I call bullcrap! And it has been hanging over me like a damn storm cloud ever since. So, I need to - -

”King of Kings” blares over the P/A system of the Xcel Energy Center as one of the Co-Owners of the WWE, Triple H, makes his way out of the back and onto the stage. Triple H is already armed with a microphone as he holds up his hand to tell Zayn to stop talking.

MICHAEL COLE: Oh no! Here comes one of our Co-Owners, Triple H!

WADE BARRETT: What do you mean, “oh no”? This is a situation that requires Triple H’s attention, it’s obvious that Zayn is on the verge of a mental breakdown!

As Triple H makes his way down the ramp; he already begins to speak.

TRIPLE H: I’m going to warn you to stop right there, Sami! Coming out here and airing your grievances isn’t going to get you anywhere. If you have an issue with anything that happened at Unforgiven, you can come to Stephanie’s office, or my office to talk to one of us about it.

Zayn doesn’t seem to be satisfied with the response as he brings up the microphone in his hand, but there’s no live feed coming from it. Zayn grows even more frustrated as he realizes this and begins to speak to Triple H directly now as he ascends the steel stairs to the ring.

TRIPLE H: Sami, this is a professional environment, you will not only respect the times of these fans, but you’ll damn sure respect the authority of any decisions that will be made from here on out. Are we clear?

Zayn taps on the mic in his hand as Triple H nods to a ringside attendant before pointing at the microphone.

SAMI ZAYN: Where is Christian Cage?!

TRIPLE H: That’s not what you should be concerned about, what you should be concerned about is your future, Sami. Now, are we clear or not?

Zayn looks puzzled for a moment as he stares directly at Triple H to gauge his seriousness.

SAMI ZAYN: Are we clear? What are we talking about here? I want a match with Christian Cage to regain my WWE Intercontinental Championship!

Triple H’s face goes from serious to agitated before he responds.

TRIPLE H: You won’t be getting a rematch for the WWE Intercontinental Championship, Sami. The way things are going right now, you may not be getting the chance to even earn a shot at getting a rematch.

The crowd is clearly displeased with this as they boo Triple H’s last comments.

TRIPLE H: It’s not just about you, though, Sami; it’s about every superstar in the back. I don’t care what they’ve done, what they hold, or who they know. I’m not going to have any of them come out here and disrespect what we’re building. Talking about conspiracy like it’s a fact, badmouthing the rest of the talent we have, and making challenges like they have the power to make decisions that only belong in the hands of those directly in power. You have no such power here, Sami.

SAMI ZAYN: Excuse me? Are you saying what I think you’re saying?

Triple H rips the mic out of Zayn’s hands and tosses it out of the ring.

TRIPLE H: What I’m saying, Sami, is that you’re fired. Security, detain Sami and escort him out of the building. We’ve got a show to run, I don’t need this waste of space taking up my ring, or my time.

Triple H makes a motion with his hand as four security guards quickly enter the ring and surround Sami. Triple H now turns his back as he tosses aside his own microphone and heads for the back with security restraining Sami as they follow suit behind him. Zayn is kicking and screaming as the fans are not enjoying this one bit as they boo quite loudly at the events unfolding in front of them.

Backstage at the Xcel Energy Center, Byron Saxton is standing in front of a television with the Monday Night RAW logo and a microphone in hand. He appears to be a bit apprehensive at best.

BYRON SAXTON: Fans, uh, tonight has been one heck of a night of WWE action here in Saint Paul, Minnesota! And, uh, I’m joined at the moment by… uh…

The camera shot expands and before Byron can continue, his interview subject saunters into the frame to finish his sentence...

GOLDUST: Golllddusssssssttt…

Goldust runs his hands up his torso and chest.

BYRON SAXTON: Yes, uh, well, thank you for joining me, uh, Goldust. You were very impressive in your debut return match with the WWE just two weeks ago. Do you think you set the tone appropriately in your debut? What, I, uh, mean to say is… is this what we can expect from you when you enter the ring this month to compete for a spot in the Money in the Bank match?

GOLDUST: …you seem nerrrrvoussss…

Goldust puts his right index finger on Byron’s chest.

BYRON SAXTON: Yes, uh, I see what you mean. Is there anything else you’d like the WWE Universe to know about your return to the WWE?

GOLDUST: …anything I’d like to let them know about how you seeeeeem sooooo nerrrrvousssss?

He runs his index finger from the center of Byron’s chest down to his belly button.

BYRON SAXTON: I see. Uhh… well…

GOLDUST: …well, well, well… what, Mr. Saxxxxton?

BYRON SAXTON: Well, um, uhh, I see… fair enough. As far as …

Thankfully, Byron Saxton’s nervous ramblings are cut off as a rather rotund man in black cut-off shorts and a white cut-off t-shirt enters the interview scene. His hair is blue, and it’s pulled back in a ponytail. And, on his white cut-off t-shirt is an airbrushed portrait of none other than Goldust.

BYRON SAXTON: AH! Oh, hello there. Another debuting superstar in the WWE! Great. Just what this interview needed.

This new individual, being of course The Blue Meanie, doesn’t respond. Instead, he looks Goldust up and down. In turn, Goldust looks him up and down.

GOLDUST: WHAT?!? OH, HEAVENS, NO! You’re soooo… ghastly! So, so round and so… ewww… you’re so…. blue. What the hell are you?

The Blue Meanie studies Goldust with what can best be described as admiration in his eyes.

GOLDUST: “The horror. The horror!” Joseph Conrad's 1899 masterpiece, Heart of Darkness, the inspiration for Coppola’s film Apocalypse Now, 1979…

The Blue Fella responds with one simple, and yet, disturbing, word:

THE BLUE MEANIE: Mommy.

GOLDUST: You’re so… blue. I could never be your… your…

THE BLUE MEANIE: Mommy?

GOLDUST: Yes, my beautiful blue boy… Come with me, you disgusting creature…

BYRON SAXTON: I’m not quite sure where to go from here. Uh, back to the ring, I guess?

MICHAEL COLE: Byron Saxton didn’t look very comfortable there, Wade.

WADE BARRETT: And it didn’t get any better when The Blue Meanie was introduced into the picture!

MICHAEL COLE: I know we’ve said anything can happen in the WWE, but it’s certainly getting ridiculous at this point. I mean we’ve got Goldust, The Blue Meanie, Toni Storm, and even this Danhausen guy who is about to come out here to wrestle to prove himself worthy of a contract with Triple H!

WADE BARRETT: When will enough weirdos be enough? Although Toni Storm isn’t really that weird, is she, Cole?

MICHAEL COLE: Well, we haven’t seen enough to truly judge yet, but Danhausen is certainly a weird one, and we’re about to see what he can do.

”The Danhausen Show” by Gwarsenio Hall plays over the speakers in the arena as he walks onto the stage, looking a bit perplexed by just how large the stage is. The fans erupt with cheers for him, and he begins to wring his hands together as he nervously smiles for a moment before extending his arms out with his black and red cape draped behind him. As he soaks in the cheers of the crowd, he looks to be both excited and nervous at the sheer scope of the arena he’ll be performing in.



SAMANTHA IRVIN: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, he’s very nice and very evil Daaanhaaauuuseeen!

MICHAEL COLE: Danhausen looks a little taken aback by just how big of a venue he just entered!

WADE BARRETT: It’s not every day you wrestle in a packed arena like this one, Cole! Hopefully he won’t be too distracted by all the bright lights and faces in the crowd because he’s coming up against The Bruiserweight, and that’s not an easy night for any superstar!

MICHAEL COLE: Maybe he’s just thinking about how if he can win this match and impress Triple H there’s a profit potential that sacks of money is cutting himself a little short. We don’t know quite yet what his skillset entails, he could be more dangerous than Pete Dunne!

Fans reach out to Danhausen as he comes down the rampway, and just as it looks like he might slap a few of them, he instead hisses at a group in the front row who lean back to avoid what might come next. Danhausen then gives a polite, royal wave - - much like the one that the Queen of England was known to give - - for his fans as he reaches the bottom of the rampway before he hops onto the ring apron impressively, and his eyes go wide as the fans cheer once again, and he spreads out his arms for them as Danhausen takes in just how impressive this crowd is once again. As Danhausen gets into the ring, he takes off his cape and hands it to a ringside attendant, grabbing the top rope and testing its sturdiness as he leans back and pulls on it with all his strength.

WADE BARRETT: I’m not sure if any man can match the skill of Pete Dunne. I’m sure not only would I but also Triple H be impressed if Danhausen can manage to win this one!

MICHAEL COLE: Everybody in this arena would be impressed, Wade!

"Too Fast for a U-Turn" by Lit begins to play over the P/A system now as out from the gorilla position comes Pete Dunne with a look of fury in his eyes.



Dunne clenches his hands into fists repeatedly, the level of adrenaline pumping through his veins not allowing him to just stand idly. Dunne puts his left fist into the air before punching his right fist forward, as he makes his way down the ramp he’s jawing off at the fans and at Danhausen. As he gets closer to the ring Dunne points his finger at Danhausen before making a motion as if snapping something in two. Danhausen points at himself before Dunne nods his head, Danhausen gulps as he shifts himself accordingly so that he’s behind the referee.

SAMANTHA IRVIN: And his opponent, The Bruiserweight, Peeete Dunnnne!

WADE BARRETT: And here he comes, Pete Dunne, this is going to be brutal from bell-to-bell. Pay attention, Cole, this is a true technician and brawler you’re about to experience!

MICHAEL COLE: Dunne has certainly been an impressive figure in the WWE before. This is a whole new ballgame though, the competition levels are through the roof, Wade.

WADE BARRETT: And it’s only a matter of time before he’s snapping digits and limbs like nobody you’ve seen before to get to the top!

Dunne stomps his way up the steel stairs as he walks along the apron slowly for a moment as he tries to get his eyes on Danhausen, who is still positioning himself to be hidden behind the referee. Dunne slides into the ring and immediately beelines towards the referee and Danhausen but every time he tries to get around the referee, Danhausen skirts over to the other side.

MICHAEL COLE: Danhausen I think has finally realized what exactly he’s gotten himself into.

WADE BARRETT: Ring around the Rosie isn’t going to work forever. Eventually he’ll have to come face-to-face with his opponent!

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Dunne grows increasingly frustrated with the game of cat and mouse that Danhausen is playing. He shoves the referee out of the way and makes a beeline, but Danhausen bails out of the ring quickly. Both men go in a sprint around the ring for a minute before Danhausen stops and turns towards his opponent, pointing at him with both hands as he holds his arms up as if to get the proper angle to CURSE HIM!

MICHAEL COLE: What is he doing?

WADE BARRETT: I’ve heard about this; he’s trying to curse Dunne! Dodge the curse, Dunne!

There is no dodging of the curse by Dunne, though; instead, Dunne grabs Danhausen by his pointer finger and twists it around into an unnatural position before grabbing the rest of Danhausen’s fingers with his other hand and wishbones them as far apart from each other as he can as Danhausen yelps in pain. Danhausen is on his tippy toes now as he continues to yell repeatedly at the distress that he’s feeling from the pain being done to his fingers. Dunne eventually just yanks down on the hand as hard as he can, wraps his arms around Danhausen, and nails a belly-to-back suplex onto the arena floor. The loud smack of sweaty flesh against the floor can be heard as Dunne pulls him over to the ring stairs and puts Danhausen’s right hand on them. Dunne pauses for a moment as the fans try to motivate Danhausen, but the crunch of the stomp is heard as Dunne really digs his foot down onto Danhausen’s hand as he screams now. As Dunne lifts his foot up again, Danhausen pulls it off the steps to shake it for a moment, but Dunne glares at him, and Danhausen places it back down only to get it stomped on again as he screams.

MICHAEL COLE: Why, Danhausen? WHY?!

WADE BARRETT: Because he probably doesn’t want to make Dunne any more frustrated than he already is! That’s why!

Danhausen, no longer able to condone or allow the maiming of his own digits, stands up and comically shakes around his own hand with his other as his wrist on the right hand remains limp. He shakes it a few more times, and Dunne looks confused. Danhausen tries the curse again, but as his hands go up, the right hand still simply hangs by the wrist as he curses at it. Dunne goes to strike, but Danhausen ducks under the attempt of a punch. Dunne spins around and attempts another punch, but it’s ducked again. Danhausen now rolls into the ring and crawls his way as fast as he can across it. Dunne slides in after him and catches him by the ankle as he stands up and drops an elbow down onto the knee of Danhausen. Dunne rises to his feet again and drops an elbow down onto the knee once again, rising up to drop an elbow onto the knee a third time. Getting to his feet, Dunne screams before he stomps on the knee and proceeds to walk around Danhausen as he makes sure to stomp every limb and digit that’s open for an attack.

MICHAEL COLE: Oooo! Ouch! Oh! This can’t be good for Danhausen’s future!

WADE BARRETT: He’s going to be lucky if he can walk let alone try to curse anybody ever again!

MICHAEL COLE: Danhausen needs to do something to turn this around quickly!
Danhausen rolls away and gets to a knee but is met by a superkick that throws him for a loop as he teeters backwards, almost to the brink of falling over. Dunne locks both of his hands with Danhausen as he interlocks their fingers and bends them back as far as he can to rouse Danhausen from his loopy state and back to reality. As a camera gets a closer view of the action, Danhausen can audibly be heard saying, "No, no, no, no!” but Dunne just twists Danhausen's wrists around and pulls up as far as he can on them now. Danhausen is slowly being forced to get to his feet as he’s once again on his tippy toes, and that’s when a headbutt by Dunne gets him reeling again and he flops back into the turnbuckle corner. Dunne now rushes in and absolutely crushes him with a clothesline and his full bodyweight crashing into Danhausen. Dunne steps back as he pulls Danhausen out of the corner and watches him flop face first to the canvas.

WADE BARRETT: I knew this match was going to be brutal, but I didn’t think it would be this long!

MICHAEL COLE: Danhausen can certainly take some punishment and Dunne doesn’t even look interested in ending it at this point.

Dunne now grins, revealing his mouthguard, as he becomes amused by shoving Danhausen over with his foot so that he’s lying on his back. Dunne places a foot on his chest as the referee makes the count, 1...2…NO! Danhausen gets his shoulder up as Dunne looks down at him and shakes his head before slapping Danhausen across the face as he reaches down. Danhausen quickly springs to life, though, as he hooks an arm around the neck of Dunne and hooks one leg of Dunne’s with his own and the other with his free arm, performing an inside cradle pin out of nowhere, 1...2…3! DANHAUSEN HAS DONE IT!



SAMANTHA IRVIN: Here is your winner, DAAANHAAAUUUSEEEN!

MICHAEL COLE: Did you see that?

WADE BARRETT: Danhausen won?! What is going on here?!

MICHAEL COLE: But wait, who are they?!

Danhausen quickly rolls out of the ring as he stumbles and falls, rolls forward, and gets back to his feet to escape whatever wrath may be coming his way. Danhausen lifts his arm in the air to celebrate his victory but watches on as two men dressed all in black with masks blindside Dunne from behind. Danhausen grimaces in pain, maybe from the pain he’s just been put through or from empathy for the beating that Dunne is taking right now. The masked men stomp on Dunne in the ring as Danhausen thinks about it for a moment and then immediately walks to the back, wringing his hands together as he shakes his head as if stopping himself from thinking about running down to help in this moment due to the danger.

WADE BARRETT: These masked men are an absolute menace at this point, and they are once again making a statement by beating on Pete Dunne!

MICHAEL COLE: What’s their motivation though, Wade? I don’t understand what these random attacks are for!

WADE BARRETT: Who knows, Cole? Right now, you might want to lower your voice, because I don’t want to give them any ideas for who to target next.

One of the masked men lifts Dunne up and motions at the other as he exits the ring to retrieve something from under it. The other masked man shoves Dunne into the corner before laying some stomps on his chest, continuing to lay in the beating with even more stomps as Dunne falls down into the corner, flopping like a fish from the brutality of it all. The camera now cuts to a table sliding into the ring before the other masked assailant enters again as he sets up the table and securely locks the legs in place. He taps his partner on the shoulder as he motions towards the table, and both men now grab Dunne around the throat and move him into position in front of the table. There’s a moment of silence as the crowd holds their collective breaths, and then Dunne lifts up and is dropped down through the table with a double chokeslam from the masked assailants.

MICHAEL COLE: Once again, where is security?!

WADE BARRETT: It’s amazing to me how unpunctual these security teams are at every arena!

A team of six security men begins to run down the rampway as the masked assailants bail out over the barricade on opposite sides of the ring and split the security team up into two groups to chase after them. It’s clear that at this point they are becoming very familiar with the best ways to escape from these attacks they’ve been performing.

MICHAEL COLE: It just seems like they are very calculated in their attacks. They seem to know the weak points in the security team, and how much time before response kicks in.

WADE BARRETT: And they’re only getting more dangerous with each appearance that they make!

The cameras cut backstage to show the Motor City Machine Guns Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin standing side-by-side in the usual interview area. Byron Saxton is with them, microphone in hand.

BYRON SAXTON: I’m here with the Motor City Machine Guns. Coming off that huge victory against The Patriarchy, where do you see yourselves in the WWE Tag Team division?

ALEX SHELLEY: We're technically two matches in now and well, we're undefeated. Safe to say that things are working in our favor at this point, but we know there's a lot more work to be done.

Chris nods in agreement.

CHRIS SABIN: Yeah, it's true that things are going well so far, but that doesn't mean we can become complacent by any means. Our victory over The Patriarchy was just the start of something big. They gave us the sort of fight we came here for, so nothing but respect for them. But there's still plenty of challenges to be had, and we're just waiting for the next one to show up.

ALEX SHELLEY: Well, instead of just sitting back and waiting, we want to be a little more proactive. We want any team out there who may be listening to us to hear what we've got to say and jump at the chance to share the ring with us. We're a team with a lot to give and we're not the kind to just back down. No. We want to help the tag team division here thrive and there has got to be other teams out there who want the same.

CHRIS SABIN: We're two very hungry guys, who want to rise through the ranks as a team. The success that we've tasted so far has been incredible, but we can't slow down or lose any of that momentum.

BYRON SAXTON: Do you have any teams in mind?

ALEX SHELLEY: We want a fresh challenge and something to really test us. We want some opportunities, and we want a chance to really show what we can do. We know exactly what direction we need to head in now that we've gotten off to such a strong start.

CHRIS SABIN: So I guess we'll just leave it at that…

Chris’ words trail off as it seems he is surprised by something happening out of frame. The camera turns a bit to reveal a smiling Eric Bischoff standing there looking on. Noticing he has stopped the interview; he walks closer to the microphone.

ERIC BISCHOFF: I’ve got to say I love what I’ve been seeing from you both. And I love what I’ve been hearing even more.

Bischoff walks past Byron and puts his arms around both Sabin and Shelley. He begins to walk them away from the interview and the microphone as he continues to speak with them, but we can no longer hear what’s being said. The camera pans over to Byron who is puzzled and just gives the cut gesture as the cameras go back to ringside.

WADE BARRETT: It looks like Eric Bischoff is showing some interest in the Motor City Machine Guns. That’ll be one to keep an eye on!

MICHAEL COLE: And speaking of things that have our attention, two weeks ago on RAW we got a surprising return that I’m not sure anyone expected; I certainly didn’t anyway! The Pirate Princess, KAIRI, made her first appearance since the start of the new era. Now tonight, she looks to have her first match as she takes on the Insurance Policy, Kamille!

The violins from “The Last Voyage” begin to play over the speakers, and the crowd cheers as KAIRI emerges from backstage in her tricorn and her white fur coat. She waves and smiles for the crowd, her eyes sweeping over them, before she begins her trip down the ramp.



SAMANTHA IRVIN: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Making her way to the ring, The Pirate Princess, KAIIIRIII!

WADE BARRETT: Shouldn’t that have been Captain KAIRI, Samantha?

MICHAEL COLE: Regardless of whether it’s ‘Captain’ or ‘Princess,’ Kairi is going to be looking to make a big splash tonight.

WADE BARRETT: And big doesn’t even begin to cover her opponent tonight. KAIRI is one of the more popular women to come from Japan, but compared to who she’s up against tonight? It’s going to be a tough one.

KAIRI slides into the ring and climbs the turnbuckle, waving to the crowd before her, who shift and move before her like the sea under the captain’s wheel. After a moment she hops down, and “Post Self” by God-Flesh begins to pump through the stadium. The crowd’s happiness gives way to a chorus of boos as Kamille steps out from backstage, Nick Alids close behind her.



SAMANTHA IRVIN: And her opponent, accompanied by Nick Aldis, The Insurance Policy, Kaaamiiillle!

MICHAEL COLE: Speaking of big splashes, they don’t tend to get much bigger than this 5’10 titan from North Carolina.

WADE BARRETT: Well, that’s what I was saying, Cole! Sure, KAIRI has heart, I’d never doubt that. But she’s tiny compared to Kamille, and that’s an advantage that’s going to be hard to overcome.

Kamille saunters her way down towards the ring, ignoring the crowd as they pelt her with boos. Aldis climbs the steps first and raises the ropes for her to step in. She does and immediately focuses her attention on KAIRI. Even as Aldis stands on the edge of the corner, whispering advice to her before the match, Kamille’s eyes never leave her opponent. Finally, the ref gets him to hop down, and our bell rings.

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Kamille steps forward but KAIRI is quick as a flash, taking the larger woman down with the Interceptor! KAIRI stays on the attack, mounting Kamille and hitting her with forearm strikes to the face, one after the other! After about ten strikes, KAIRI stands up and lets out a battle cry, as the crowd roars in approval to rally behind her.

MICHAEL COLE: KAIRI got things off to a quick start here, unleashing on Kamille in a way that I think both she and Nick Aldis weren’t expecting!

WADE BARRETT: You have to be quick with a woman like Kamille, KAIRI better keep it up if she wants to stand any chance of winning!

As KAIRI turns her attention back to Kamille, she sees the larger woman getting to her feet. As Kamille stands up, KAIRI strikes again, hitting her hard with the spinning back fist that she calls the Cutlass![/b] The hard strike knocks Kamille back down to the mat and KAIRI wastes no time, running over to the ropes and stepping out onto the apron and climbing to the top turnbuckle. As the crowd cheers her on, KAIRI stands up, smacking her elbow with her hand before she leaps off, landing on Kamille with the Insane Elbow! KAIRI goes for the cover and hooks the leg, 1…2…3! KAIRI is victorious!



SAMANTHA IRVIN: Here is your winner, The Pirate Princess, KAIIIRIII!

MICHAEL COLE: KAIRI with a big win here tonight over Kamille, Wade!

WADE BARRETT: She wanted to prove that she still has what it takes to hang in the women’s division, Cole, and I think she did just that by making short work of Kamille! The rest of the women’s locker room better keep an eye on KAIRI!

”The Last Voyage” begins to play on the speakers once again and KAIRI stands up, smiling from ear to ear as the referee raises her arm into the air. Raising her other hand up to her forehead in a salute, KAIRI bows before walking to the ropes, exiting the ring and making her way up the ramp to the back. Meanwhile, Nick Aldis is in the ring, helping Kamille to her feet. He looks frustrated as he asks her what just happened, and she shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head, clearly just as frustrated as her partner. They both turn with their eyes narrowed, as they watch KAIRI continue celebrating on the ramp as she finishes making her way up to the back.

The cameras go to the backstage area, where we see Alexa Bliss in her dressing room, her head held low, her eyes having black rings over them, clearly not sleeping in the last few days, she stares into a mirror, silently as if pondering something until she suddenly slams her fist off a wall.

ALEXA BLISS: Screw it.

And without another word, Alexa storms out of her locker room.

"In the modeling and fashion industry, outfit-based offenses are considered especially repulsive. In the WWE, dedicated garment gumshoes who investigate these crimes are members of an elite squad known as the fashion police. These are their stories."

"DUN. DUN."

In this voice, we're taken into what appears to be some kind of office in a police station. I say some kind of office because that's a very generous turn of phrase for what is pretty much a broom closet overrun with general outdated police bric-a-brac that seems like they were stolen from the set of a bad 70's cop show, for example, we see a man haphazardly typing on an old school typewriter, laboring over each letter as he wears a police shirt that seems to be WAY too small for him, a small pop goes up as that police officer is revealed to be Fandango!

FANDANGO: Ah, paperwork, it's really the part of the job I hate.

Fandango sighs (Overtly) dramatically as an older man with a suspicious-looking cheap plastic mustache and glasses starts sweeping up.

? ? ? : What's up, Sonny Boy? You know all that frowning will get ya crow’s feet.

FANDANGO: Ah, I don't know, I guess I'm just questioning...is all this worth it? I haven't had any cases recently, and even worse, I haven't seen my partner in ages.

? ? ?: Well, maybe your partner is closer than you think!

And with a dramatic flourish, The Janitor removes the mustache and cheap glasses for a truly shocking reveal.

TYLER BREEZE: That's right, I am no janitor! It was me, your best friend Tyler Breeze, all along.

FANDANGO: ...Kay.

Breeze frowns a little at Fandango's lack of a reaction.

TYLER BREEZE: You don't seem surprised.

FANDANGO: I mean, you do this all the time, Breeze; of course, I knew it was you.

TYLER BREEZE: I was in character for two weeks! Why didn't you say anything?

FANDANGO: Honestly? We can't afford a real janitor, so it was good to have someone clean up around here. Besides, I thought I'd let you enjoy yourself while you can.

TYLER BREEZE: What are you talking about?

Fandango sighs, taking a moment to steel himself, knowing he's about to shatter Tyler Breeze's world.

FANDANGO: Your disguise budget is being cut.

Breeze's blood runs cold. He reels back, needing a second to recover from the news.

TYLER BREEZE: The janitor?

FANDANGO: Cut.

TYLER BREEZE: Every single president of the United States?

FANDANGO: Cut.

TYLER BREEZE: Even Tylersaurus rex? The wrestling dinosaur?

FANDANGO: I'm afraid so, mostly because I could think of a thousand different situations where that'll come in handy.

Tyler seems crushed, a mere shell of a man with the thousand-yard stare of a man who has suffered for eons.

TYLER BREEZE: I don't know man, the lack of cases...The constant budget cuts...Now this? It makes me think...maybe there's better things we could be doing with our time than policing fashion, maybe actually get real jobs or focus on our care - -

SMACK!

Before Tyler can finish the statement, he is met with a backhand from Fandango, which he receives with a high-pitched screech. At first, Tyler seems shocked, but then he nods in appreciation.

TYLER BREEZE Thank you, I needed that; I was talking crazy.

FANDANGO: Damn right, you were. Pull yourself together. We both know there's nothing more important than being really...really...really good looking. Beauty is a curse; we knew that when we signed up, but we can't give up now! What would The Chief say if he knew we were thinking of turning in our badges?

At these words, both of them, with no shortage of reverence, turn towards a giant oil painting displaying a police officer with golden hair and soft features staring out majestically. Fandango takes off his cap in a show of respect.

FANDANGO: That there was the greatest Fashion cop that ever lived.

TYLER BREEZE Don't you think I know that?! But we can't moan forever, Dango. The Chief is gone, and he's never coming back.

THE CHIEF: Hello boys.

FANDANGO: Oh hey Chi - - BY FABIO'S SMOTHER- -

Strutting into the room is a cop with a beautiful, bedazzled police officer uniform, black sunglasses covering his eyes, a majestic mustache on his face, and soft feminine features that might make you believe that this is just former WWE Diva Summer Rae in a very silly costume, "Might" because that's a ridiculous statement.

TYLER BREEZE Chief?! We thought you died!

FANDANGO: Yeah, you spontaneously combusted - -

THE CHIEF: That's what I wanted the world to believe! But my skin is so moisturized and healthy that explosions can't hurt me!

Breezango makes genuinely impressed sounds as Tyler Breeze mutters, "Of course!" while they ignore the Chief's natural, not at all forced, deep and husky voice.

THE CHIEF: So, stop your sissy baby men talk! We're not sissy babies! We're manly men. Beautiful, Fashionable Men with cheekbones to die for! And we're going to prove it! Because I got our next case.

With a thud, The Chief slams a fat file on the table in front of them, which seems to be full of pictures of the likes of The Young Bucks, CM Punk, and Stevie Richards.

THE CHIEF: You're taking down the WWE, and I'll be along for the ride right along with you.

With a smile, Tyler Breeze looks at his friend.

TYLER BREEZE What do you say, Deputy Dango? You're ready to get back to work?

FANDANGO: Let's go do the thing where we're cops and do...the good fashion things.

Okay, it was not a good ending line, but Fandango was put under pressure. Cut him some slack. The two officers give each other a confident nod as the cameras go back to ringside.

MICHAEL COLE: Well, it looks like Tyler Breeze and Fandango are headed to RAW!

WADE BARRETT: I hope they aren’t targeting announcers, Cole. You are an embarrassment out here every week with your dull suits you wear every week!

MICHAEL COLE: I’ll have you know that I got this at Men’s Warehouse and it was a bargain, Wade. I love the way I look!

"Entry of the Gladiators" by The Big Top Orchestra begins to play as Kizarny makes his way onto the stage with a smile on his face. Kizarny bows to the fans as they cheer for his appearance, and he juggles some bowling pins for a moment before tossing them to the side. A look of pure thrill is on his face as he relishes in the crowd's appreciation of his carnie craft.



SAMANTHA IRVIN: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, The Sideshow Psycho, Kiiizaaarny!

As Kizarny makes his way down the ramp, he begins blowing fire towards the crowd but not close enough to actually touch them as they all cheer in appreciation of his show. Kizarny ascends the steel stairs and climbs to the top of the turnbuckle before he blows out one last stream of fire above the ring and blows out the wand. He flips forward off the top of the turnbuckle as he lands on his feet and throws his arms in the air to celebrate his success.

MICHAEL COLE: You know, I think Kizarny is one of the few strange superstars around here I appreciate. He makes you feel like a kid about to watch the circus again when he comes out!

WADE BARRETT: I always hated the circus, the only good part about it was the strong man.

MICHAEL COLE: What about clowns and elephants, Wade?

WADE BARRETT: No thanks! I’d rather take in a movie or a play, Cole.

”Barbarian” by Electric Wizard blares over the P/A system of the arena as the lights go out in an instant and a purple glow comes from the stage. A hooded figure emerges on the stage dressed in what looks to be ceremonial warrior's garb, slicing through the air with a scythe before slamming the end of its pole down on the stage as an echoing thud emanates throughout the arena.



SAMANTHA IRVIN: And his opponent, making his way to the ring, EEEVIIIL!

MICHAEL COLE: Well, I can tell you one thing, his presence appears to be ominous!

WADE BARRETT: A relative unknown here in the WWE, so far all we’ve had from him is a couple of on-camera appearances.

As he makes his way down the ramp, his hood hangs over his face. Slowly but confidently striding his way down to the ring, it appears that EVIL is in no rush to get this one started. As he climbs the steel ring steps, he rests his scythe on the turnbuckle post for a moment before a ringside comes along to claim it. EVIL now strides along the edge of the apron as he flips his hood back to stare daggers into his opponent, Kizarny. Ducking his way through the ropes as he sizes up the carnival worker, he gets a dissatisfied look on his face as he removes his robe and tosses it out of the ring.

---

---

Kizarny is the first to act as he goes for a kick, but his foot is caught by EVIL. Using his other foot, Kizarny nails a step-up enziguri that rocks the big man. As EVIL drops to a knee, Kizarny bounces off the ropes and builds up some steam before nailing a second enzuigiri he likes to call the Karni-Kick before hooking the leg for a pin. 1…2…3! NO! EVIL powers out of the move, lifting Kizarny off of him, and stands up, holding him above his head! Kizarny, however, reaches down and pulls under the chin of EVIL to get out of his grasp, dropping behind EVIL and hooking him up as he nails a German Suplex!

MICHAEL COLE: Not only being crafty to escape EVIL’s clutches, Kizarny actually just overpowered EVIL with that German Suplex!

WADE BARRETT: Wow! Even I’m impressed he managed to pull that off!

As Kizarny looks out to the crowd and sees their cheering for him, he points to the turnbuckle corner and ascends carefully before he flips himself backwards and lands a picture-perfect moonsault onto EVIL. He’s not done yet, though. Kizarny knows he needs to really put the icing on the cake to end EVIL in the WWE tonight on RAW. As he pulls EVIL off the canvas, he motions as if ringing a bell before he grabs him with a double underhook and bodyscissors EVIL as he drops him to the canvas with a DDT!

MICHAEL COLE: Tallulah Belle!

WADE BARRETT: Was that English, Cole?

MICHAEL COLE: That’s what he calls that DDT maneuver he just pulled off! Kizarny might have this one after that!

Kizarny pulls at his hair for a moment, the fans going absolutely wild for him as he motions for EVIL to get back up. EVIL is slow to rise to a knee though and regrets his decision as Kizarny rushes in with another Karni-Kick! just to cement his chances of winning this one! KIzarny now hooks the leg as he motions for the referee to count, 1…2…3! Not only can Kizarny not believe it, but the referee is surprised as well!



SAMANTHA IRVIN: Your winner of the match, KIIIZAAARNYYY!

MICHAEL COLE: What a shocker in this one, Wade! Kizarny has done it!

WADE BARRETT: If we blinked, we would have missed this one, Cole! It’s clear that Kizarny was more than prepared to battle EVIL tonight!

MICHAEL COLE: And EVIL might need to start worrying about what his House of Torture pals are gonna think about this one!

EVIL shakes off the cobwebs as he gets up; the referee raises Kizarny’s hand, and EVIL looks none too pleased with it. He gets to his feet and lunges towards the two men, but they bail out of the ring quickly and start backing their way up the ramp. EVIL is kicking and screaming as Kizarny and the crowd are thrilled with the results!

The camera goes backstage now to show Byron Saxton standing backstage, with a microphone in hand and a smile as he looks into the camera.



BYRON SAXTON: Earlier tonight, we saw a woman making her WWE in-ring debut in an impressive - - and some might say, surprise - - victory over Velvet Sky. And now she’s here to make her first remarks directly to the WWE Universe. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our second woman to have ‘qualified’ for the Women’s Money in the Bank qualifier, Dr. Britt Baker.

Britt steps into frame, greeted to polite applause from the crowd. She nods politely to Saxton.

BRITT BAKER: Thanks, Byron, but you can just call me Britt. You’re not in my office, after all!

BYRON SAXTON: Of course. Now, I think everyone at home is wondering how you’re feeling? If I’m not mistaken, not only was that your first WWE match, but that was also your first ever televised match, as well.

BRITT BAKER: It was, and honestly…it’s a little hard to describe. I was sitting backstage listening to the fans and trying to think about exactly how this was going to go. I had butterflies in my stomach until the second that bell rang, and then it just all fell into place. I don’t even think the win has fully set in yet, I’m still running on the adrenaline. It’s just…

Britt shakes her head and lets out a soft chuckle.

BRITT BAKER: It’s hard to describe.

BYRON SAXTON: Well congratulations either way. Now, last night on Sunday Night Heat, Dawn Marie made a couple of comments about you backstage; did you want to respond?

BRITT BAKER: Honestly, what could I say? She’s not entirely wrong, I’m far from being the most experienced person on the roster. And Dawn Marie, she’s a locker room legend! Admittedly it’s the men’s locker room…

There’s a soft “ooh!” from the crowd in response, and a tiny smile curls Britt’s lips before she continues.

BRITT BAKER: So no, I don’t think there’s anything I could say that everyone doesn’t already know about her. I’m more focused on the Money in the Bank and proving myself.

BYRON SAXTON: I understand. Now, do you have any last, parting messages for the WWE Universe?

Britt nods, and the camera pans to focus on her as she focuses into the camera.

BRITT BAKER: Folks, I know you don’t know me, or much about me. I’m the unknown quantity in the room, and I know you don’t have much reason to listen to me, to care what I have to say. I’m not going to demand your attention, or your respect; I’m not one of those people. That’s why I came in and called my shot on the Women’s Money in the Bank. I want to earn that respect. I want to show all of you that, no matter what I’m doing, I’m putting everything I have into it. John Cena always talked about hustle, loyalty, and respect; every week I’m going to come out here and I’m going to live it.

The camera pans back to Saxton, who looks into the camera.

BYRON SAXTON: Back to you guys at the desk.

Our shot changes now to show the two announcers at the table.

MICHAEL COLE: Britt Baker seems to be soaring after her win here tonight.

WADE BARRETT: She looked good out here, I will say that. And while I respect the plucky attitude, Cole, that doesn’t win briefcases, and it certainly doesn’t win championships. It’s one thing to quote John Cena, but if that’s where she’s starting off? She’s got some big shoes to fill, and she needs to dig deep and find some grit if she’s going to fill them.

"Dig Deep" plays over the P.A. system of the arena as the fans begin to rain down their displeasure on the arrival of Maxwell Jacob Friedman. He steps out onto the stage with a Minnesota Vikings jersey on display for the people of St. Paul, Minnesota. It doesn't help with the reception, but he looks like all he has is business on his mind, spinning around once for the camera before he makes his way down to the ring with a contemplative look on his face.



MICHAEL COLE: Not quite sure why he's arrived here; MJF isn't exactly known for his appearances on Monday Night RAW.

WADE BARRETT: Be respectful, Cole; he's gone out of his way to be here in St. Paul. Maxwell certainly deserves to at least be able to explain why he's coming out here.

MICHAEL COLE: It can't be for anything good, Unforgiven was not as successful as he was hoping it to be. Jay got himself a victory over Maxwell, so what could he possibly have to say about it?

As Friedman reaches the steel steps up to the ring, he pauses for a moment before slowly taking them up. As he grabs onto the turnbuckle post, he looks out at the WWE Universe for a moment before he enters the ring. Friedman immediately crosses to the other side of the ring before accepting a microphone from a ringside attendant. Friedman adjusts the scarf around his neck for a moment before he speaks after a minute of pause.

MAXWELL JACOB FRIEDMAN: It feels like it's been ages since Unforgiven until tonight here in St. Paul, Minnesota. It's also been ages since I've been defeated in the center of the ring. This is a new experience for me all over again, something that I'm not used to, and for all of you to have been able to witness it feels, quite frankly, like a miracle that it happened on Sunday. See, ever since I made it to the main stage, it's been like I've been riding a rocket straight to the top. But sometimes it doesn't matter how great you believe you are; there's going to be a day when someone better than you comes along. This must be what it feels like for the Green Bay Packers every time they come up against the Minnesota Vikings.

A few of the more vocal fans begin to chant "FRIEDMAN SUCKS!" As he appears to get visibly upset for a moment but clears his throat about and gets back on focus.



MAXWELL JACOB FRIEDMAN: I'm a better man than people give me credit for, and I'm going to prove that tonight. I want to call out Jay White right now so that I can get a few things off my chest and give him the credit that he's due. So, if he's in the back right now, if he can hear me, please make your way out here, Jay. I want to personally be able to tell him that he was the better man at Unforgiven.

MICHAEL COLE: He wants Jay White to come out…so he can tell him that he’s the better man?

WADE BARRETT: Look at this! A new leaf for MJF is turning!

MICHAEL COLE: Well, it would seem as though Jay White has answered the call.

Indeed it does as Jay White appears at the top of the ramp, his entrance music playing over the P.A. system. A bit of a hesitant look is on his face as he makes his way down the ramp and towards the ring.

WADE BARRETT: I still personally can’t believe Jay White beat MJF, but it would seem as though Friedman is willing to be the bigger man here.

MICHAEL COLE: The high road is not one Friedman is known to take.

White steps through the ropes as his music stops and he’s handed a mic from the ringside crew. As the cheers from the fans die down, White puts the microphone up to his mouth and begins to speak.

JAY WHITE: What is this all about, Maxwell?

Friedman gives him a small warm smile before answering.



MAXWELL JACOB FRIEDMAN: Jay, I think I took you for granted at Unforgiven. I think I looked past you towards something bigger. I…I made a mistake and truth be told, Jay, I don’t make many of those. My life has been a constant barrage of great decision after great decision. There have been no failures in my life, just pivots and changes made. Stepping into this ring last week and losing to you, Jay…I failed. It burns me deep down inside. It’s taking every bit of my last remaining willpower not to deck you in your stupid little bearded face right now, but at the end of the day…I’m a man. I’m a man who can recognize when someone has bested them. When someone is…the better man. So, I’m asking you out here right now so I can do just that. Because finding you backstage and shaking your hand and telling you this doesn’t amount to a pile of shit. That’s just a conversation between two men. I want to do this publicly. I want the world to see it so they can know.

Max extends his hand out towards Jay White. Jay looks out at the crowd as there is a rather large mixture of cheering and booing coming back towards him. MJF doesn’t waver and his facial expression doesn’t change. There’s just his serious look as he nods down towards his hand when Jay looks at him. Jay finally decides to shake hands back. MJF starts shaking Jay White’s hand and gives him a wry smile and then after a few seconds…

DICK KICK CITY!

Friedman takes Jay White down with a kick to the nether regions! The fans start furiously booing as Jay White rolls around on the mat.

MICHAEL COLE: I knew it! I knew it!

WADE BARRETT: Never trust the devil, Cole!

MAXWELL JACOB FRIEDMAN: You think you’re the better man, Jay White? Because you got lucky one time!? Is that the deal? Do you really think that? You’re a bigger idiot than I thought! There is only one man on this whole freaking roster and his name is Maxwell Jacob - -

”When the Lights Go Down” plays on the P.A. system and MJF slowly turns his head to the top of the ramp. Matt Cardona appears there, and he’s got an angry look on his face. He starts marching his way towards the ring as his music plays.

WADE BARRETT: What…what do we have here?

MICHAEL COLE: Matt Cardona has heard enough from MJF! I never thought I’d see the day when Cardona would be coming to someone’s aid, but here we are!

WADE BARRETT: He’s making a huge mistake, Cole!

Cardona rolls into the ring and picks up the mic that Jay White has dropped after being taken down. White has pulled himself over to the corner and has a painful wince on his face.

MICHAEL COLE: Maxwell, you’ve gone too far this time!

MAXWELL JACOB FRIEDMAN: What in the absolute hell do you want, Cardona? This doesn’t involve you!

MATT CARDONA: You want to come out here and talk about who the real man is, huh? You want to talk about real men and what they do.

MAXWELL JACOB FRIEDMAN: I swear to God, Matt, if you don’t get to your point quick, I’m gonna take you to dick kick city too.

MATT CARDONA: Look at this man…

Cardona points over at Jay White before continuing.

MATT CARDONA: …this man beat you at Unforgiven, MJF. You cannot take that away from him. To say that he’s not the better man is just sour grapes from you!

MAXWELL JACOB FRIEDMAN: Sour grapes? What is this? Fourth grade?

MATT CARDONA: Come here, Jay. I got you, bro.

White pulls himself to his feet, stumbling out of the corner and towards Cardona and MJF.

MATT CARDONA: You see, guys like Jay here aren’t in it for the accolades. They’re not in it for the championships. They’re in this business to prove that they’re the best. The thing about guys like Jay though…the thing…about guys like Jay…

Cardona looks over at Jay and then back at MJF.

MATT CARDONA: The thing about guys like Jay though are that sometimes, they just get lucky. And do you know what we do to guys who just get lucky? We take them to DICK. KICK. CITY!

Before Jay can even react, Cardona turns and kicks him in the nether regions as well, taking him down again! MJF starts laughing maniacally as Cardona puts his hand up and MJF slaps it with a high five. Friedman takes off the Minnesota Vikings jersey and spits into it before slamming it onto the mat and stomping it repeatedly. The fans are vehemently booing them as Cardona lays the boots into Jay White repeatedly.

MICHAEL COLE: This is sickening, Wade! Sickening!

WADE BARRETT: Well I’ll be, it would seem as though Matt Cardona has hitched his wagon to the right horse all along!

White is able to get to the ropes as referees run down the ramp and help pull him out. MJF and Cardona hold their arms up and parade around the ring, celebrating their beatdown.

MICHAEL COLE: Cardona is going to pay for that. Maybe not now, but certainly some time soon.

WADE BARRETT: I doubt it, Cole. White is in over his head now!

Cardona and MJF are now both at the top of the ramp, facing out towards the crowd, their arms over their heads and big grins on their faces. Medical staff are tending to Jay White on the outside of the ring after the ringside crew and referees separates them all.

Samantha Irvin steps into the ring to address the crowd.

SAMANTHA IRVIN: Ladies and gentlemen, coming up next is our main event of the evening for the WWE Tag Team Championship! At this time, Xcel Energy Center staff and the ushers will escort out of the arena. Please leave in an orderly and organized fashion and find your way to one of the seven videoboard locations located outside of the arena!



WADE BARRETT: This is ludicrous, Cole!

MICHAEL COLE: Perhaps so, but we are also being escorted out of the arena by personnel here to call this one from the video boards located outside of the arena.

WADE BARRETT: We’re going to be out there with the masses! The plebs!

MICHAEL COLE: It should be a wild one, for sure. Folks, coming up next is an empty arena match between The Best Tag Team in the World and The Young Bucks. This all came together last week at Unforgiven when these two went back and forth and eventually settled on this match.

WADE BARRETT: I’m not going to lie, outside of the pandemic era shows, this is the first time I’ve ever been a part of something like this.

MICHAEL COLE: History has given us just a handful of empty arena matches in the history of professional wrestling, and they have been some absolute classics.

WADE BARRETT: Terry Funk and Jerry Lawler!

MICHAEL COLE: Sting and Kurt Angle!

WADE BARRETT: And who could forget Mankind and The Rock?

MICHAEL COLE: Add this upcoming match to the list. Ladies and gentlemen, the whole arena is being emptied outside of our camera crew, a small referee crew that does not include Rick Knox and these four men, who are about to go to war over the WWE Tag Team Championship.

WADE BARRETT: This is it! The Best Tag Team in the World’s final shot!

MICHAEL COLE: That is the agreement. Let’s go over to Samantha Irvin, just a few feet away from us!

SAMANTHA IRVIN: The following contest is set for one fall and it’s your maiiiiiiin evennnnnnt! Introducing first, the challengers…the team of Stevie Richards and CM Punk. The. Best. Tag. Team. In. The. Worrrrrrrrrllllllllld!



Punk and Stevie come out to deafening silence in the arena as Cult of Personality continues to play. You can hear the echoes of every beat of the song reverberating off the empty seats and upper decks of the arena. Punk and Stevie look at one another and give each other a fist bump.

SAMANTHA IRVIN: And their opponents. The WWE Tag Team Champions of the world, the team of Nick Jackson and Matt Jackson…The. Young. Bucks!

---

---

Right as their entrance pyro goes off, Stevie and Punk sprint up the ramp and engage the tag team champions in a barrage of punches. Nick and Matt were caught off guard and struggle to pull the championships off their waist as The Best Tag Team in the World start their beatdown on them. The pairs split off with Punk and Matt Jackson going to the right side of the ramp and Nick and Stevie going towards the left side of the ramp. Punk and Stevie continue their stiff right punches into the tag team champions, knocking them backwards towards the edge of the entrance ramp. Stevie picks up Nick and drops him down onto the steel grating with a spinebuster! Stevie goes for a quick pin on Nick but Jackson kicks out after a one count, grabbing at his lower back. Stevie starts driving kicks into Nick as on the other side of the entrance ramp, Punk and Matt Jackson are trading blows with one another. Punk kicks Matt in the stomach, doubling him over and grabbing him, trying to hoist him up onto his shoulders! Matt swipes up, fighting Punk away and knocking him back with a forearm smash. Punk tries to recover and rushes towards Matt but Jackson ducks, hoisting Punk up and over with a back bodydrop off the entrance ramp into a pile of tables and ringside crew equipment! Some cords and pieces of wood splinter off as Punk goes crashing through the equipment, landing in a heap! Matt turns his attention immediately over towards Stevie Richards trying to stay on the offensive with Nick Jackson. As Matt comes rushing over, Stevie seems him coming, rising up and driving his foot through Matt’s face with a Stevie-kick! Matt stumbles back and lands at the top of the ramp, rolling all the way down - end over end - to the ringside area as Stevie stands at the top of the ramp watching him roll down.

MICHAEL COLE: This is already madness, Wade! Punk has been laid out and Matt Jackson is taken out as well!

WADE BARRETT: This one is going to be a physical one. Absolutely no doubt about it!

As Stevie is watching Matt roll down to the ring, he’s grabbed from behind by Nick and run towards the edge of the ramp, tossing him off of it. Stevie tries to land on his feet but collapses a bit. Nick hops down and goes over to him, as they fight towards the empty stands now. Stevie climbs over and starts heading up the stairs as Nick is in pursuit behind him. They reach the top of the first level and Richards turns around, trying to kick Jackson as he approaches him but Nick dodges it. They brawl through the curtain that goes out into the concourse. It’s so strange to see this area completely empty when there’s always usually some fans in there heading to the concession stand, the restroom or the merchandise area. Nick grabs Stevie by his hair and rushes him into the wall of the concourse, taking control now.

Back at the ring, Matt Jackson is using the apron to pull himself up to his feet. He staggers around dizzily as he gets to his feet, looking around for any sign of his brother or his opponents. Matt can’t see anyone and starts to stumble back towards the ramp, going between it and the ringside barricade. He goes over to where Punk was laid out earlier and he’s starting to crawl towards the edge of the debris that he crashed through. Matt grabs him and pulls him out fully, but as Jackson tries to pull Punk up to his feet, Punk brings his arm up between Jackon’s legs and hits him with a stiff low blow! No DQ! No rules! Jackson doubles over and Punk grabs him around the head, hoisting him up and over, splatting on the floor with a suplex! Jackson and Punk grab at their lower back now as they’re both sprawled out on the area just outside the entrance ramp on the floor. Punk is the first to get back to his feet and he pulls Matt Jackson up as well, dragging him behind the curtain that’s there and into the bowels of the Xcel Energy Center.

MICHAEL COLE: Punk dragging Matt Jackson into the depths of the arena now! Wonder where they will wind up!

WADE BARRETT: Do you know how many rooms there are back there?

MICHAEL COLE: Hundreds! And they’re all unlocked!

WADE BARRETT: Let’s catch back up with Nick Jackson and Stevie Richards!



Nick has Stevie grabbed by the hair and throws him into the railing area. There’s a loud smack as his back collides with the wall. Stevie grabs at his back as Nick pull him up to his feet. Jackson ducks under Richards’ arm and looks to hoist him up and over for a Northern Lights Suplex but Stevie blocks it with an elbow to the back of Nick’s head. Stevie stands back up and rushes towards Nick, jumping and driving his foot into his face with a spinning back kick! Both men collapse down onto the floor as Nick grabs at his head. Stevie grabs a large plastic trash can, lifting it up and bringing it over to Nick. He turns the trash can over, dumping all the insides of it landing on Nick. Everything from popcorn to soda cans to beer bottles and every piece of trash you can think of from patrons of the arena splatting onto Nick. Jackson comes up to his feet and Stevie puts the trash can over the top of Nick’s head and chest area, restraining him. Nick tries to fight the trash can off of him but can’t get it off of him before Richards drives another Stevie Kick into the trash can around Nick! The trash can topples over to the floor and Nick is down too. Jackson rolls over and collides with the walls near the steps. Stevie yells out at Nick to get to his feet, but the trash can has him stuck. Jackson tries to stumble up to his feet and is able to get up with the trash can still on him. As Stevie rushes towards Nick for another blow, Nick runs towards where he hears Stevie coming from and they both collide, and Richards is knocked down from the heavy impact! Nick goes crashing to the ground again! Both men are down now!

Over on the other side of the arena, Punk and Matt Jackson are fighting in the backstage area. There’s a hallway with doors down both sides of it. It’s dimly lit but we can see well enough that Punk is in control. He has Matt by the hair and rams him into a closed door, making a huge thud sound as Matt collapses to the ground. Punk opens the door and there’s a janitor in there! The arena is supposed to be empty! A janitor wearing a hat and a large mustache stares at Punk as he stands in the broom closet. There’s caution tape and signs and mops and brooms lining the walls on shelves. Punk puts his hand up and tells the man he’s sorry, closing the door back behind them. Punk turns his attention back to Matt Jackson, but the door behind him opens as he turns his back and the janitor hits Punk in the back with a broom! It’s a glancing blow as Punk spins around quickly and grabs the janitor. The hat goes flying off to reveal a bald head and Punk grabs the man’s mustache and rips it off. It’s Rick Knox!!! He’s supposed to be banned from the arena! Punk hoists him up and drops him down, knee to face! Go to Sleep on Rick Knox as he’s absolutely knocked out!

MICHAEL COLE: What is he doing there!? The arena is supposed to be empty!

WADE BARRETT: CM Punk just accosted an arena staff member!

MICHAEL COLE: That’s Rick Knox pretending to be a janitor, Wade!

WADE BARRETT: You can’t prove that!

Punk bends over and is screaming in Knox’s face but that doesn’t last long because Matt Jackson grabs him from behind and rams him into another door on the other side of the hallway. The door bursts open and Punk flails into a backstage locker room area. Jackson grabs Punk by the head and he rams him into the wall of the locker room area! The same spot where Alexa Bliss rammed her fist earlier in the show! Jackson grabs a chair and lifts it up over his head, driving it down into Punk’s back. Punk is hurting now as Matt grabs him by the head again and finds another door in the room, ramming him into it and the door bursts open with Punk sprawling through it.



It’s the locker room for the Minnesota Wild hockey team. Matt takes a few steps into the room slowly and looks around, nodding his head. He’s still limping a bit from the low blow earlier as he bends down to pick up Punk, but Punk fights back with a stiff right punch to the jaw of Jackson. Matt is knocked back and lands against the back wall of the locker room. Punk rushes towards him and hits a jumping knee up on Matt’s chin. Matt looks out of his feet as Punk grabs him around the waist, lifting him up and over and splatting him in the middle of the locker room floor with a belly-to-belly suplex. Punk gets to his feet and mutters under his breath.

CM PUNK: More of a Blackhawks guy but this should do…

Punk grabs one of the hockey sticks up on the wall in one of the lockers and turns his attention back towards Matt. Jackson is in the seated position in one of the lockers as Punk rears back and swings the hockey stick towards Matt, but Jackson ducks and the hockey stick snaps on contact with the locker stall! Pieces of wooden shrapnel go flying around as Matt scrambles back to his feet and goes to punch Punk, but it’s blocked by the remaining part of the hockey stick. Punk drives the stick into Matt Jackson’s stomach, doubling him over. Punk throws the broken stick down and grabs a new one in another locker, taking it up over his head and smashing it down upon Matt Jackson’s back! Punk lifts the hockey stick up again and goes to drive it down, but Matt Jackson grabs the broken stick off the floor, turning and blocking the strike from Punk! More pieces splinter off from the stick Matt is holding. Jackson kicks Punk in the stomach, doubling Punk over. Matt Jackson holds the stick up and goes to stab CM Punk with it with the sharper side of the broken stick! Punk gets his hands up just in time, keeping the sharp point of the stick just mere inches away from his face. Punk and Matt fight back and forth until Punk gets the sharp stick away from him. Matt drops the stick and manages to get Punk’s hold on him broken. Jackson goes for a superkick but Punk dodges out of the wall, rolling behind Matt. As Matt turns and goes back on the attack, Punk grabs the sharp stick and brings it up STABBING MATT JACKSON IN THE FACE WITH IT! Punk didn’t get Matt directly in the eye with it, thankfully. Blood starts to trickle out of the corner of Matt’s eye as he grabs at it, screaming out in pain. Matt stands up to his feet as Punk is still scrambling to get to his. Before Punk can go on the offensive, Matt goes bolting out of the locker room and Punk goes chasing after him.

WADE BARRETT: What a psychopath! He tried to kill Matt Jackson!

MICHAEL COLE: Matt tried to do the same just a few seconds earlier!

WADE BARRETT: He should be put in jail!

MICHAEL COLE: No rules, Wade!

Back in the concourse, Nick Jackson has finally freed himself from the trash can that had him trapped as Stevie Richards is already on his feet. He bends down to pull Nick up but Jackson drills him with a stiff right hand. And another and then one more, stumbling Richards back into the concession area of the concourse area.



Jackson rushes towards Stevie, but Richards ducks and hoists Nick up and over and into the concession area! Stevie hops up on the counter as Nick is on the floor below him. Richards takes off and drives an elbow drop onto Nick in the concession area! There’s very little room there but Stevie gets a pin attempt in there! 1…2….3! No! Nick got a shoulder up! Stevie pulls Nick up to his feet and rams him head first into the beer taps. Nicks face rests on the metal grate below the serving spigots. Richards starts pulling on the handles, pouring a varied selection of beer onto Nick Jackson’s head! Jackson screams out, a sticky mess now! He shoves Stevie back and Richards crashes into a food holding area just behind the counter. Jackson has just enough room, rushing forward and looking for a superkick but Stevie moves, and Nick drives his foot through the glass holding container, shattering it! Nick quickly pulls his leg out, so as to not get cut but Richards spins him around, hitting him over the head with a metal pizza pan! Jackson is staggered and Richards throws the pan on the ground, grabbing Nick around the head and tossing him back over the counter, back into the concourse again! Stevie looks over at the smashed open food holder and he takes a step towards it, reaching in and grabbing a slice of pizza. He takes a bite out of it and starts nodding his head quickly. He goes over the taps and pulls one of the beer taps again, sticking his head under the spigot and getting all the beer in his mouth!

WADE BARRETT: Disgusting!

MICHAEL COLE: Well, it certainly seems unsanitary.

Stevie goes to take another bite of the pizza, but he’s absolutely blindsided by a SUPERKICK from the counter as Jackson was back on his feet and driving his foot through Stevie’s face. Nick hops down, going for a pin now himself but only gets a two count! Stevie grabs the counter and pulls himself up as Nick has a hard time getting his footing with the mess all over the floor behind the counter in the concession area. Richards drives an elbow into the head of Nick, knocking him down to one knee. Richards grabs Nick around the head and drives his head into the metal pizza pan on the floor! Nick is BUSTED OPEN! Stevie can’t really capitalize with a pin as he’s still pretty groggy after all the damage he’s sustained. Now it’s Richards hopping up onto the counter, waiting for Nick to get back to his feet so he can drive another Stevie-kick into his face. Nick is very slow to get to his feet as his face is covered in blood now. Before Stevie can drive that kick into Nick, his leg is grabbed, and Matt Jackson has him! Matt pulls Stevie’s leg, and he collapses on the concession stand counter. Matt Jackson has taken his shirt off and wrapped it around his eye where he was stabbed, fashioned in an eye patch manner. Matt Jackson starts elbowing the downed Richards in the midsection.

MICHAEL COLE: Where did he come from!?

WADE BARRETT: Where is CM Punk?

MICHAEL COLE: Matt Jackson looks worse for wear right now. He’s wearing his shirt like an eyepatch.

WADE BARRETT: Well, CM Punk tried to murder him!

Nick pulls himself back up to his feet and finally gets his footing under him. Matt pulls Stevie off the counter and back into the concourse area as Nick hops over the counter behind the both of them. Matt rushes Stevie towards the steps of the concourse and Richards goes tumbling down them towards the entrance area. You can finally start to hear the fans outside the arena watching around one of the video boards as they get close to the entrance. Nick and Matt start slowly sauntering down the steps towards Richards, who is struggling to get back to his feet. Both Nick and Matt grab Stevie, pulling him back up to his feet. They both start driving fists into Richards, knocking him back and forth between the tag team champions until Stevie falls down to one knee. There are sets of revolving glass doors that lead into the arena, a large barricade outside keeping the fans at bay from getting back in. Nick and Matt grab Stevie by the head and lay him down inside the revolving glass door. Placing his head right where the revolving door will spin and collide with the wall! They’re going to crush Richards’ head in the door! Matt grabs the door and goes to slam it on Stevie’s head, but Richards rolls forward into the spinning door and tumbles out of the arena to raucous cheers when he makes his way out! Nick and Matt are mad at hell about this and walk through the revolving door, heading outside now too, greeted by boos as they get out there.

MICHAEL COLE: The action has somehow spilled out here with us, Wade!

WADE BARRETT: An empty arena match is now an outside the arena match!

MICHAEL COLE: Security has their hands full, this crowd is rabid.

WADE BARRETT: Where in the world is CM Punk, Cole!?

MICHAEL COLE: Last we saw, he was chasing Matt Jackson out of the Minnesota Wild locker room!



Stevie is still struggling to get to his feet as Nick and Matt start to take in the jeers from the crowd now. Really taking their time. They kick at Stevie’s downed body as he struggles to get to his feet. Nick and Matt are taunting the crowd now, asking for more boos to be rained down on them. The fans are more than happy to oblige. The boos are so loud, even on the exterior of the arena. More fans have come rushing over, seeing that the fight has spilled outside from the video boards they were watching from around the arena. Nick and Matt point down at Stevie now, mocking him as it seems like an impossible task for him to get up to his feet. His rises up to his knees though and stares at both men, flipping them off! The crowd is absolutely electric from the sign of disrespect from the challenger! This sends Nick and Matt into a fury, and they walk over and each grab an arm of Stevie Richards. They’re going to look for an EVP Trigger. They count down from three. 3….2….1!

Right as they get to one, there’s a loud crash from the arena. The exterior of the arena are just large walls of glass all the way around it. One of the large panels of glass has been absolutely shattered from top to bottom as CM PUNK DRIVES THE MINNESOTA WILD ZAMBONI MACHINE THROUGH THE GLASS WALL! The crowd flies off their handle as Punk parks the Zamboni, standing up and running off the top of it, flying towards Nick and Matt and hitting them with a double clothesline, saving Stevie! Punk pulls Stevie up to his feet and smacks him on the back. Matt Jackson is up first and rushing towards Punk, looking for a double axe handle but Stevie cuts him off with a STEVIE-KICK TO THE FACE! Matt is down! Nick is staggered, and Punk grabs him, spinning him around and hoisting him up onto his shoulders! Punk yells at Stevie to “do it” and Stevie drives another STEVIE KICK TO NICK’S FACE AS HE’S ON PUNK’S SHOULDERS and then Punk hoists him up and drives him down with a GO TO SLEEP! Nick is out! Punk goes for the pin. 1…2….3! It’s over!



SAMANTHA IRVIN: Here are your winners, and the NEWWW WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, CM PUNK AND STEVIE RICHARDS, THE BEST TAG TEAM IN THE WORLD!

MICHAEL COLE: They’ve done it, Wade! They’ve done it!

WADE BARRETT: Look at the carnage in their wake! Punk drove a damn Zamboni through a glass wall!

MICHAEL COLE: We have new Tag Team Champions! What a war!

WADE BARRETT: I’ve never seen anything like this and likely never will again!

MICHAEL COLE: Just an all-out war and the challengers have taken the titles!

Punk and Richards hug each other tightly as they both have huge smiles on their faces. The referee hands them each one of the Tag Team Championship belts and raises their arms into the air and the crowd can be heard going absolutely wild outside of the arena. Punk and Richards hug once again, before looking through the windows of the arena to the fans outside and once again triumphantly raise their newly regained championships into the air.

MICHAEL COLE: CM Punk and Stevie Richards overcame the odds here tonight, digging deep and relying on one another like never before to become WWE Tag Team Champions for the second time! Undoubtedly, they’ll be looking to celebrate next week, so be sure to join us as we’re live from Fargo, North Dakota where we’ll also see the start of the Money in the Bank qualifying matches! Thanks for joining us tonight, goodnight, everyone!